


Don't Leave

by ssnips



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-22 14:37:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8289331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssnips/pseuds/ssnips
Summary: When Phil got the text he felt sick. He’d been so focused on editing the last video he’d barely noticed that Dan hadn’t returned. When his phone first buzzed he ignored it, continuing to edit the video. When the notification pinged again he gave in and looked at it. He didn’t even have to read the whole thing. Two words jumped out at him: ‘Dan’ and ‘hospital’.





	

When Phil got the text he felt sick. He’d been so focused on editing the last video he’d barely noticed that Dan hadn’t returned. When his phone first buzzed he ignored it, continuing to edit the video. When the notification pinged again he gave in and looked at it. He didn’t even have to read the whole thing. Two words jumped out at him: ‘Dan’ and ‘hospital’. He felt sick. He could barely focus. Without even bothering to shut down the computer or turn the lights off, he grabbed his coat and shoes and stormed out the door.

When the taxi driver asked where he was going he could barely speak.

“H… hospital” he stammered. The driver nodded in understanding with a look of pity on their face but didn’t say a word. Phil stared out the window, trying to not look beside him where Dan would usually be sitting. His hands were shaking uncontrollably and he had to constantly blink to keep the tears from falling down the face. The journey felt unbearably long. Phil was suddenly aware of every second he was losing, seconds which could be running out fast.

As the taxi finally came to a stop outside the hospital, he quickly shoved the money into the driver’s hand, not waiting for change and forgetting to even say thank you. He ran up to the hospital door with his head down, pushing through the crowds of people walking by, not even sparing a moment to apologise to all the people who he bumped into. It was so unlike him but at the moment he didn’t care, the only thing on his mind was Dan.

“I’m Phil Lester. I’m here to see Dan Howell” he blurted as he walked up to the front desk.

“Bear with us a second Mr. Lester we’ll check what room he’s in” the receptionist said calmly. It made Phil angry that they could be so calm.

“I have to see him now!” he burst out. His whole body was shaking.

“Please sir, we’ll only be a minute.” Phil hung his head in embarrassment. He attempted to mumble an apology but nothing came out. He felt so bad for taking out his emotions on other people but at the moment he had more important things to worry about. Finally, a woman spoke to him.

“Mr Lester?” Phil nodded. “Come with me” she said gravely. She turned and headed down the corridor. The walk to the hospital room was a walk through hell for Phil. Being in hospital was never anything good – Phil knew that all too well. He focused on his breathing, trying not to fall into panic. He kept his eyes on the woman’s feet, avoiding eye contact with anyone. The only person who mattered in this world right now was Dan.

He almost didn’t notice when the woman stopped and opened the door, but when he did peer into the room the sight was far worse than he expected. There were at least four doctors surrounding Dan, all of them with blood staining their gloves. Dan was mostly covered. Phil could only imagine his damaged body beneath.

“Will he be ok?” Phil asked desperately. He didn’t even need to be told the answer, the looks on the doctor’s face told him everything.

“He’s been asking for you” one of them said, gesturing for Phil to sit on the chair beside Dan’s bed. All the doctors’ gazes followed him as he moved towards Dan, yearning to take him up in his arms and make this all better. As he sat down in the chair he could finally see Dan’s face. It looked bad. So much of it was stained red with blood and there was a deep gash across his forehead, not to mention the huge bruises scattered around his face and neck.

“Dan…” Phil whispered. He reached out to stroke his head before noticing that his hair was also covered in sticky red blood. He didn’t want to cause Dan any more pain. Dan’s eyes turned slowly towards Phil’s face. He looked so weak and helpless, it reminded him of the 18-year-old Dan who was so desperately in need of his support. Dan did his best to smile but Phil could see him wince in pain. “Dan…” he whisperd again “I… can’t…”

“Phil” Dan interrupted weakly “you’ll be ok” he struggled to make out the words.

“No! No I won’t!” Phil snapped, instantly regretting it when he saw the sadness in Dan’s face. Dan opened his mouth to speak again. “No don’t” Phil stopped him. “Listen to me Dan. Listen to me ok?” Dan moved his head down slightly, trying to nod. “I need to tell you something… I need…” he stumbled. Even though Dan only made the slightest movement, Phil could tell Dan was telling him to get a move on. “I love you Dan. I always have, ever since I first met you I knew that I would never stop loving you. You’re so beautiful Dan and I’ve wanted to say that every day but I was too scared. I was too scared to say anything and now I might lose you. I can’t…” Phil stopped, tears streaming down his face. For a moment no one said anything. The expression on Dan’s face was unreadable, even for Phil. “Dan… say something… please” he cried desperately. He could feel his trousers getting wet as his tears flowed down onto them.

“I love you too Phil.” Phil could barely breath as he heard Dan speak. “I watched your videos and I fell in love with you. I was so happy when you noticed me, I didn’t expect anything more. I didn’t want to risk the thing that made me the happiest-“ He struggled to continue “-being friends with you. I love you Phil.” His voice began to crack. “Promise me you will find happiness with someone else.” Phil couldn’t speak. He didn’t know what to say. His heart was beating so fast it felt like it would jump out of his chest. Dan had just said the four words Phil had always wanted him to say but he felt nothing but sadness and regret.

“Don’t leave” he whispered “Don’t leave me on my own.” He imagined the life they could have had, a beautiful wedding, adopting children, growing old together. Just when he knew that all could have happened it was being snatched away from him. He looked down at Dan, his eyes were now closed and his mouth hung slightly open. “Dan!” he shouted desperately. “Dan! You can’t leave me! I need you! I love you… don’t leave” his voice fell into a whisper. Suddenly a constant beep rang through the room. Dan’s heartbeat, Phil’s hope, disappeared. Phil glared angrily at the doctors. Why weren’t they doing anything? They had to save him. He couldn’t die. Phil couldn’t let him die.

Phil sank to the floor. There were no tears left in his eyes. There was no good left in the world. It was just darkness, a deep dark endless void in the place of Dan. People called Phil the sun, but he was really the moon -  all his light reflected off the radiant light of Dan’s sun. Though sometimes it seemed like only Phil was shining, he would be nothing without Dan. Dan made him so happy and he didn’t know how he was going to continue without him.

“Help him!” Phil screamed. “Do something!” He stood up, facing the doctors.

“There’s nothing we can do”

“You don’t understand. I can’t lose a friend again, especially not him.” Phil no longer had the energy to shout. “We were in love. We could have been so happy. We didn’t even get a proper chance. The universe can’t do this to us. It’s not fair.”

No one said a word to him. They all knew that nothing they could say would help him. Phil found himself being pushed out the way as doctors covered Dan and wheeled him out the room. He wanted to argue and protest but he couldn’t. The doctors told him to go home and get some sleep. He wasn’t sure if he could bare going back to a flat where everything reminded him of Dan. On the other hand, he didn’t want to see anyone else. He wasn’t in a state to tell anyone what had happened to Dan. He supposed their, no his, flat was the only option.

The ride home seemed to go in a blur and he soon found himself standing in his empty flat. Physically nothing had change, but Phil knew it would never be the same again. Everything reminded him of the hole Dan left. Every little object that had previously stored a happy memory now caused him pain to look at. Looking in any direction was like being stabbed in the chest. Dan’s last words echoed through his head: ‘Promise me you will find happiness with someone else.’ Phil wasn’t sure how he could keep that promise, not after everything they’d done together.

He forced himself to walk to his room, making sure to keep his eyes on the floor so he didn’t have to look at anything that reminded him of Dan. But even the floor made him think of Dan, lying face down in his typical existential crisis position.

The first thing he noticed when he entered his room was the computer. He wiggled the mouse and the screen popped up. His eyes were immediately drawn to the thumbnail of the video he’d been editing. They were looking at each other with the widest grins of their faces, completely absorbed in each other. He played the video. Dan’s laugh rang through the room. It was such a sweet, beautiful, genuine sound, one that never failed to cheer Phil and one that he would never hear again. Phil slammed the computer shut and threw his phone across the room. He fell back onto his bed.

“Don’t leave me Dan” he said one last time.


End file.
